Ded from terminal Fat

my top ten most beautiful song list

Sat, 23 May 2009 07:30:30 GMT

Hatchet Attacks!

Thu, 22 May 2008 01:02:32 GMT

Hatchet Attacks was amazing. I got to red rocks at like 7 in the morning, and my whole group and I spent the day with Faygo showers, juggalo chants, and some psychopathic love. It was a fantastic time. Grave Plotts was way better than I expected, I unfortunately missed most of Motown Rage because I was trying to buy merch, and AMB rocked as usual. (Don't hate.)The R.O.C. never fails to entertain. He had a great performance. Boondox was spectacular. He really knows how to work the crowd, and he looked sexy as all hell. I was a little confused though, I have no idea who was singing with him. Anyway Blaze came on next, and he and R.O.C. had these tricked out bikes on stage, it was sweet. He always has great sets, but my favorite part was Juggalo Anthem. There must have been 8000 Juggalos all sweaty and screaming the words along with him. It was awesome.
Then Twiztid came on. Now, I love every member of the Psychopathic family, but I LOVE TWIZTID. Their lyrics are amazing and they kick ass in everyway. Also, I would do things to Jamie Madrox that I wouldn't do to a farm animal outside of New Zealand. He is the sexiest man in the entire world other than Dustin. Man, it was fucking wonderful. I've seen them live three times now, and they just keep getting better. Also, I was in the second row, so I was close enough to see Madrox's face while he bounced around and looked all sexy like. It kicked some major ass. After that was ICP. This was my first time seeing ICP live, and they blew me away. Oh man, there aren't any words to describe a true faygo fucking shower. I was completely soaked from head to toe with diet root beer. Then towards the end of their set, they brought out Boondox for "Lady in the Jaguar", which is such a badass song. Then for a real treat, they fucking had ESHAM perform! That was sweet as all hell. After that they did Homies (With Twiztid!) and for the finale, they did "If I Was A Serial Killer" Everyone came out, and rained Faygo for like 20 minutes. We all rushed the stage, it was such an enormous rush. To top off this wikid ass experience, Violent J officially declared Denver Colorado the biggest clown town in the world. It was just hours and hours of clown love. I will try to upload some pics and maybe a shitty vid or two. Anyone else got to go?

workplace rage

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 03:39:02 GMT

It's a rare day that I actually update. Today I am going to discuss labels and my deep inner pathological need to be sick. No, actually, I just want to talk about work.
So, the economy blows. I work at a pizza joint at the local mall. We are currently the store in our corporation that has the biggest loss. We are technically a tax write-off at this point. We have been clearing maybe $600/day. Our rent per month is in the area of $10,000, and when you factor in our other bills like produce and linens, and repairs (because every time we turn around something new breaks.) We basically can't afford to pay ourselves. On top of the financial woes, our boss is a lazy bitch. She is a family friend, and she only hired me for that reason, a point that she makes quite clear. She and I are the openers. She is scheduled from 8AM to 6PM. I am scheduled 9-4. I get there and half the time I'm sitting in the hallway reading until 9:20ish when she strolls in. I have to clock in, she doesn't. She's on salary and supposedly "works" 55 hours a week. I'll get to that part in a minute. The upshot is that I end up clocking in 20-30 minutes late everyday whether I get there on time or not.
While getting ready for the day, I make 12 pizzas and stock up all utensils,napkins, straws and such if the closing crew was lazy, but before all that I have to fight with my prep station every morning, which is a good 15 minute battle. I'm lucky if I get it all done before 11, though we technically open at 10. While I'm doing this, she refreshes the salads and boils water for pasta. Then she just puts everything else in the steamer. That's all fine and dandy. Once she's through with all that though, she's done. For the day. I will be up front by myself helping customers, ringing them out at the register and continually making pizza for seven hours. I don't get breaks unless I beg, I don't get a lunch, and I don't get to sit down. While I'm up front holding shit together, she's in the back smoking in the restaurant, playing solitaire on the computer and listening to a soap opera with headphones on. Some days if she's feeling chatty she comes and talks to me while I work. If I go and ask her for help, she very grudgingly waits on customers and acts all surly. She doesn't even help me refresh my pizza.
The real thing that gets my goat is that she calls me lazy on days when I complain about being tired. This fucking bitch cuts out early EVERY day. She doesn't even come in most Sundays. On an average week, she gets paid for 15 hours that she doesn't work.
On top of this, I got passed over for a promotion. I started in July, and I have never called off. One day when I was peeing blood from my kidney infection, I had a doctors note, but other than that I never missed a day. The girl that got the promotion instead of me has been working there since September. She has called off a couple of times and has drama on a fairly regular basis. I will be the first to tell you that she is a hard worker and does a fantastic job, but I have a better track record for being reliable. I was the one doing 45 hour weeks at christmas (which is a big deal in our tiny store, technically I had more hours than the bosses.) I was the one working seven days a week for three weeks. I'm the one who has NEVER had money come missing from my drawer, and I'm the one that never gives my friends free food. It makes me so angry, and I'm honestly feeling pretty entitled to my anger lately. Oh well. I'll get over it.

I'm fat, not deaf

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 02:35:04 GMT

I'm fat, not deaf you utter jackass. You think that because I am fat that I can't hear you snickerng and saying to your friend in a super casual tone, "Check out that fat bitch. She needs to make the pizza, not eat it!"
Yeah dipshit, I work in a restaraunt and I'm fat. I also can hear every comment you fuckers make. Stop or I'll kill you in your sleep. With my fat.

This post also will contain this gem. I'm shy, not stupid. Just because I have a hard time talking to people that I don't know doesn't mean my IQ is 3. Although angry posts with shitty grammar probably aren't the way to prove it. Oh well.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 23:42:34 GMT

These are the top one-hundred-six books most often marked as “unread” by LibraryThing’s users. As usual, bold what you have read, italicise what you started but couldn’t finish, and strike through what you couldn’t stand. Add an asterisk to those you’ve read more than once. Underline those on your to-read list. I have double-asterisked the ones I love with a fiery passion.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights**
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : A Novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice **
Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations*
American Gods**
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha**
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : A Novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein, or, The Modern Prometheus
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange**
Anansi Boys**
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : A Novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist*
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a Memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere**
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
~~Beloved~~
Slaughterhouse Five*******
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon**
Oryx and Crake : A Novel
Collapse : How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : An Inquiry into Values
The Aeneid
Watership Down******
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : A True Account of a Multiple Murder and Its Consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

drama is what I do, my dear

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 02:53:20 GMT

Man, am I overly dramatic. Crisis averted people. Go back to not reading :)

I hate this

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 04:04:52 GMT

I don't even know what to do anymore. I hate this

my new pet.

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 23:14:58 GMT

WTF??

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 11:16:55 GMT

Damn. I was on fandom wank, reading a bit, when I started reading about some deranged people online faking illnesses and deaths and such. I know that from time to time, I write about my health issues. (Well, okay, alot of the time.) It just kinda weirds me out that there are people out there that are so sick or desperate for attention that they would ever consider doing such a thing. Just... damn.
I don't get offended easily, but this one bothered me.

Banned commercials: Visa priceless video

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 20:27:42 GMT



"Banned commercials: Visa priceless video" on Google Video
priceless, visa spoof commercial

pffff...

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 04:09:32 GMT

I got all introspective today. Which is never good for the sanity of my loved ones. I seem to always come to these stupendous conclusions at the end of my introspection, and try to change for the better. I inevitably screw it up and end up worse off.
Well, this morning I realized it was fall. Fall is the best season. I love the smells, the sounds, the way the air feels, the way the leaves turn, the way everything seems cleaner and fresher. It honestly takes my breath away. I feel reborn in the fall, I feel cleansed and pure and I try my damndest to be a better peerson and treat those around me with the love and respect they deserve.
Sometimes, I just sit outside and breathe and try to make sense of it all. I swear, I know there is a good person inside of me trying to get out. I know that somewhere in there, I have a reason for the way I feel and act.
I wnat to be kind, and friendly, and wise, and loving. I try. I just can't seem to get the hang of it.

On a complete other note... I'm fucking tired of fighting with my family. I love them all, but I can't live with them. They tell me it's middle child syndrome, but I look at my sister with her very expensive model training as a child, and her $30,000 college loans per semester. I look at my little brother's new computer, his X-box, his PS2, his turntables, and his anything he wants, really. My parents can't even remember to celebrate my birthday. Seriously, Since I turned 11, my parents have completely blown off my birthday. his year, they promised to give me $150. It's two months later, and I haven't seen a dime. I realize I'm living in their house (hopefully not for much longer) but seriously, it's so grudgingly done, with constant complaint about everythign I do. If they don't want me here, why did they say yes to me coming home? If they don't want me to be around, they should cut off this half-love bullshit, tell me the truth, and let me move on and try to pick up the pieces. There's alot more to this story, which I'm sure none of you are interested in. I just need to get this all off my chest.
I just want to be with my Dustin. I want to be healthy, or at least know what the hell is wrong with me. I want to live in the Springs in the cute little apartment we found, and I want to be his little housewife. I want for us to eventually get married, and buy a house, and just live a life.
I know it's alot to want, but there it is. I just want to be as happy as I can.

There, I got it out, I feel a little better, even if I only did just scratch the surface of the things tangled up in my mind. Thanks for reading, if you did. If not, don't worry, I probably wouldn't have either.

Shit on toast

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 21:36:04 GMT

Seriously. I think it's ridiculous that at twenty years old I may have to file for bankruptcy. I was hoping to at least make it to twenty-one. Prepare for the loooong drawn out story...
So I have a very sketchy medical history. Well, maybe not sketchy, but it sure is shitty. I have been in and out of ER's since I turned sixteen. I no longer posess a uterus, a gallbladder or even a real cervix. I may need to have my ovaries removed soon, and we suspect my colon may be deteriorating. Well, lucky me, I had health insurance under my parents, until I turned nineteen. Since I was eighteen when I had the hysterectomy, that was covered. Thank God, because that was like a $20,000 medical bill right there.

BTW...
I lost the only two jobs I managed to get due to absences because of surgery, illnesses, whatever. Suck...

Well when I turned nineteen I officially lost my Dad's insurance.
I got sick one night last Oct. turns out my fake cervix (my "cuff") Slipped. It was an over night stay plus fees for re-cauterizing the cuff. That was a $6,000 bill.
I applied for indigent care to help cover the costs, but if any of you have that, you know how little it does. I know it helps cover ER bills and hospital stays, but I need major surgeries, and it doesn't cover that.Then my gallbladder decided to quit. I mean it straight up no fucking around completely ceased to function. I ended up finding a nice young doctor to help me out. He promises to not sue me even though I can't pay him back for a while.
Well that was another $3,000 on top of the $6,000 I already owed, plus assorted ER bills piling up at aroung $800.
I had hoped the indigent care would cover the shit back in Oct, but noooo. I found out yesterday that I'm being sued. I'm apparently also being sued for not paying off my college loand for the two semesters I managed to finish before dropping out because of the hysterectomy. Bam, another $3,000!
Now I'm up to $12,800 in bills, I have absolutely no credit... and I can't get a job.
At this point, if you are still reading the shittyness that is my financial situation you may be going "Bwaaah? No job? Whats wrong with this lazy slacker bitch?"
Well, I don't have a job because I keep getting sick and having major medical crises, so I can't hold on to a job, plus no one would hire me if I were healthy enough to work due to my shitty record (thanks to my friggin health)

So, to sum it up, I am being sued more than a damn HP fanfic, I'm in debt up to my ears, My body is falling apart, and my legs haven't been shaved in three days. I suck. However, I am trying to do something about all this. I am in the process of applying for Social Security and/or disability. I went online today to also get my college loans deferred. I honestly don't know aht else to do.

Now I just need to find a doctor who will treat me and give me the surgeries I need even though I can't pay them. *Sporfle*

So... anyone care to take a shot at this and give me some advice?

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 05:21:36 GMT

The only reason I'm doing an entry is because I want to show off teh cuteness that is my ebil new icon I made. Isn't it shiny? He looks like Puss in boots from Shrek.

Icons

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 17:16:08 GMT

I made Icons... squee for my coolness! If someone couls just tell me how to show them off, I would be muchly obliged. Thanks!

book meme

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 16:18:21 GMT

Snagged this from mugglechump

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

Here's mine

"Well, I don't think they really sell souvenirs," Ted said. "I'd guess they sell items of a sexual nature, few of them strictly legal."
Bobby had questions about that- a billion or so- but he felt it best to be quiet.

--This was from Hearts in Atlantis, by Stephen King. It's a great book. Yay me.

Affair- my first LJ Fic

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 23:44:42 GMT

You know, I don't feel bad about spamming my LJ today, because no one reads it anyway. Today, I am going to post a cookie for my new HP fic. I will actually be writing the whole thing on LJ, and maybe upload it on Schnoogle some day.
(AN-The fic is about Molly and Arthur are having marital issues due to her increasing empty nest issues. Narcissa nad Lucius are experiencing their own brand of troubles. How do these intersect? Hooray for vague plot summary!)

Affair

"Molly!" Arthur bellowed, slamming the door shut. "This is the third time this week! I can't keep recieving owls from home while I'm working! Today I was dive bombed by an urgent owl whilst talking to a muggle with an enchanted fishbowl. I'm sorry my dear, but this can't go on. I had to memory charm the poor man, and I ended up having to take the fishbowl with me."

"I'm so sorry dear, it just that I was worried. I know you know your job inside and out, but I hate to think how violent muggles can be. With all their guns and bombs and such, oh

Arthur, I just worry!" With that, Molly Weasley burst into great heaving sobs. Since Ginny had moved out of the Burrow and into her own flat, Molly was alone for the first time in

nearly thirty years. The burrow seemed to big and achingly lonely with no children running about, laughing and crying and demanding kisses.

"Molly, I know being alone so much is hard for you, but I still have to work. Why don't you look at our clock when you begin worrying? It's never been wrong before." Arthur replied in an exasperated tone.

"Well, it's getting old, and It's been running slowly anyway. I think I should have it checked. Arthur dear, I just feel so empty. I-" Her words were cut off by the shrieking of a barn owl outside their window. Arthur grabbed the bird and read the message the owl had carried.

"I'm sorry dear, we will have to continue this later. I'm needed at the ministry" And with that, he was gone.
I hope you all enjoyed it!

funness to make up for the bitchery!

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 22:07:56 GMT

I really hope someone does this...

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

---

Post it in your own journal if you like, but I'm not holding anyone to it.

What happened to reading???

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 21:54:38 GMT

I am so disgusted right now. As a child, I loved the choose your own adventure books. I would read them when I needed a cool down from the heavier reading I tended to indulge in. I would read them over and over until I had gone through every choice in the book. Today, while I was waiting for Avatar to come on, I saw a commercial for the choose your own adventure movies!
This makes me sad and angry. I mean, I know not everyone loves reading like I do, but this still depresses me, for a couple of reasons.
They could have made it an offer for the movie WITH the books, not just the movie. I mean I understand that this is a way to bring the fun to a new group of kids who couldn't otherwise share the joys of it. More-accessable stuff like this can be a blessing for parents who have children with learning disorders or other issues. That part is fantastic, but it also sucks, because it encourages kids to not read.
This whole thing just makes me all the more upset at how lazy and spoiled everyone is today. Sure, for every advance there is in science or medicine, there's ten new ways to use that technology to rip someone off, or be greedy, and it all just makes us lazier. I remember when I was ten I was outraged by the sliced peanutbutter that they sold at my local grocery store. On the bottle it exclaimed "Now you don't have to waste time spreading peanut btter anymore!" Because it cut such a huge chunk out of my day to spread the damn stuff.
I look around the world today and everything is either horrifying or disgusting. I know I myself am a product of the times, but that doesn't make me any less sad when I realize that I'm terrified to send my boyfriend off to work each day in fear that he will be shot because he works in the city, or that he will be in a terrible car accident on the way. I am just so damn tired of being scared and angry! I'm scared t move to the city with my boyfriend because it's so loud and dangerous, but I can't stand waiting the hour every night while he drives home praying that he will come home safe. The world today is killing me, in more ways than one.
I jacked my boyfriends new Stone Sour CD, and track four is one of the truest songs I've ever heard. Love, peace and freedom are just words today, and they don't really mean anything anymore. When people really do believe in them, they are considered crazy, or innocent to the point of foolishness. ARGH.
Also, the fucking kids these days need to have better toys and books offered to them. An eight year old does NOT need a cell phone, barbie doesn't need a belly button, ninja turtles these days suck, and childrens books do not ALL need to have a cozy little moral at the end. Sometimes a story is just a story dammit!
And this is why I need to get a life and not think so much...

The letter H

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 04:19:11 GMT

This is the Song Title Meme. The rules are that you get a letter, and then choose five song titles beginning with that letter. Then you explain your choices. If you want to play, just ask and I get to assign you a letter. I was assigned the letter H by mynuet

1.) Hey Phatty- by Jamie Madrox.
I doubt many of my 'loyal readers' know who he is, but he is one of the demented duo that comprise Twiztid. His solo album is called "Phatso", the reason being that he is a fat guy, and he loves it. The song makes me laugh, and also makes me unashamed to be a fat ass. Good job me.

2.)Head On Collision- by New Found Glory.
I love the lyrics-
Slightly bruised and broken
From our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
Another tragic case of feeling
Bruised and broken
and
I've been waiting for a good day
I've been holding back long enough
I've been hurting to tell you something
It's not the falling of the temperature
That's making your blood run cold
It's the breeze you make
The presence felt when your around me
These lyrics remind me of the pain I've felt after a falling out with my friends and loved ones, it always sucks, but this song puts it in perspective for me a little.

3.) Homies- by ICP
First off, I know a lot of people hate the Insane Clown Posse, but I love 'em. I think their lyrics are usually funny or amazingly powerful, and they shouldn't be taken lightly. Anyway, I love this song. It symbolizes a lot of hugely important people in my life, my "homies." It calls upon a lot of real things that I've experienced with my friends, and talks about how sometimes your friends are more family than your actual family. Yay for ICP.

4.)Hemorrhage(In My Hands)- by Fuel
This song is just so powerful. I actually heard it for the first time when I got sick a few years back. The title itself grabbed me, because I had had a hemorrhage while in the hospital. The lyrics themselves are powerful and moving in my eyes.
Don't fall away and leave me to myself
Don't fall away
and leave love bleeding in my hands,
in my hands again
And leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleeding

Oh hold me now I feel contagious
Am I the only place that you've left to go?
She cries her life is like
Some movie in black and white
Dead actors faking lines,
over and over and over again she cries
I guess I'm just a sentimental fool, but these lyrics move me.

and finally...

5.)Hideaway- by Fuel
I used to put this song on repeat a lot during my early highschool years while trying to sleep. It would soothe me, but at the same time it made me awfully sad.
Hideaway, take me now
I cannot face another round
And I'm flipping through the pages
For a name to take my place
Close my eyes, wish that I could find a space
To hideaway
Troubled days cloud my eyes
Stole the sun from my skies
And in this darkness I am tossing, turning
Lying wide awake
Hold my breath, wish that I could find a place
To hideaway
Hideaway, take me now
I cannot face another round

I think most of us have felt like this at one point or another. Well, at any rate, I have. The urge to just find a place to hide from the world and all it's troubles is tempting sometimes.

Any way, that's all I got. Check out these songs if you don't know them, I think they are pretty great. Have a great day!

Bzuh? Snape?

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 00:25:14 GMT

So I took this quiz...

With Which Harry Potter Male Are You Most Sexually Compatible?

Compatible with...Severus!
Take this quiz!

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